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When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch
positions with each other so there are still two of you in the
way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
(Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and
food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep
on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and
cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball.

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the
other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to
get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try
to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge
and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door
I entered.  (In addition, I have been using the
bathroom for years  ...  canine or feline attendance is not
mandatory.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's or
cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be
such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front
door  ....

Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our
pets:

1.  They live here; you don't.   

2.  If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture.

3.  I like my pet better than I like most people.

4.  To you it's an animal; to me he and/or she is an adopted son
and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all
fours and is speech challenged.

5.  Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask
for money all the time, are easier to train, usually
come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with
drug-using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't
worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
don't need a gazillion dollars for college, AND, if
they get pregnant, you can sell the results.

What happens when you:

1) have nothing to do
2) own a sharp knife
3) have a large lime
4) own a patient cat
5) drink too much tequila
6) and it's football season?

Hope you have a nice day!

Merry Kitty cards
Karate Kitty
Cat Jokes
Desktop Download for Cat Lovers
Kitty Grapics

Kitty Gallery

Kitty and Baby

	8/7/99 A home at last I only weigh 5#8oz. It's a good thing they kept me, I was in a family way
	5  happy babies and One busy Mom. 1 Week old...10/14/99
	11/12/99 Five weeks old. At a stand off. Just not ready for the another family portrait right now!
	I'm such a good boy! 11/27/99 I went to live with Jacob and am now called Buddy.
	11/28/99 I have gone to live with the Easton's. My new name is Cisco.  Ashley is my new mom.
	1/13/2000 (Kittens were so cute it was hard to give them up, we kept one - Baby.) Kitty and Baby are healing from their surgery. Kitty is Brown/ Black Mostly Siamese Pointe and Baby is Tortoise Pointe. Kitty is now 11#8oz and baby is 3#5oz.
	2/22/01This new blanket they bought me sure is comfy.
	2/22/01 I'm Baby 13# now. I Rule!
	"Her briefcase is the best place to sleep...she works to much anyway" Momma Kitty maintains her supervisory position on the back of the couch.-
	2/12/2002 Ah! They got us a new bedspread. We're like two bookends...sleep in the sun on their bed all day while they work so we can get into mischief when they are ready to relax tonight.

Cat-Proofing your tree: I read about this but haven't tried it yet: To keep cats off the tree, try laying Slinkies around the base. Start at the edge of the tree skirt and work outwards, aligning them so that the cat would have to step on a Slinky to get at the tree. A few holiday safety tips for pets: Angelhair (spun glass), artifical snow, snow flock and tinsel can all cause health problems for your pets. Some of the seasonal plants that are toxic to pets and children if eaten: ivy, holly, mistletoe, hibiscus and poinsettias. ~courtesy of Pawprints&Purrs Check there for many more safety and cat care tips

Cat Jokes

Submit a cat joke. If it draws a laugh from our panel of totally unbiased experts, we'll publish it here!

HOW TO BATHE THE CAT

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids.  (You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).  CAUTION:  Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.  The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times.  This provides a "powerwash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
   
   Sincerely, Tee Hee Hee...
   
   The Dog.

Download

This is hard to describe, but you'll really enjoy Felix if you like cats. He is a whimsical desktop decoration - cat antics for cat lovers. Download, save on your hard drive, then from the Start Menu, run felix.exe. You'll laugh as Felix, the tuxedo cat, cavorts on your desktop. When you reboot, you'll need to "Run" fexlix.exe to start him up again, so remember where you saved the file!

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If it's easier for you, you can request felix.exe from my autoresponder. He is delivered as an e-mail attachment directly to your e-mail box. When you receive the e-mail message, just click on the attachment to activate.

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